Is The End Game For Our Students College Acceptance?

Our Mission

Greensboro Day School develops

the intellectual, ethical, and interpersonal

foundations students need

to become constructive

contributors to the world.

A recent note from an alum and past parent urged me to reconsider our mission statement to include a sentence saying that we are a college preparatory school. He believed that parents chose our school to ensure that their children get into the best possible colleges and that if we left out  "college preparatory" many parents would not seek us out.

On the surface, I agree with him. Our parents do expect us to prepare their children for entrance into the best possible colleges and we have an excellent track record of doing just that. But, what a short sighted view of the purpose of a well rounded high school education.

Ex-Yale professor William Deresiewicz, in his recent book, Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite and the Way to a Meaningful Life, speaks of the "elite" who attend prestigious universities, many of whom come from independent schools like ours.

“The irony, then, is this. Elite students are told that they can be whatever they want, but most of them end up choosing to be one of a few very similar things. Whole fields have disappeared from view: the clergy, the military, electoral politics, teaching, even academia itself, for the most part, including basic science. It is true that today’s young people appear to be more socially engaged, as a whole, than kids have been for several decades: more concerned about the state of the world and more interested in trying to do something about it. It is true, as well, that they are more apt to harbor creative or entrepreneurial impulses. But it is also true, at least at the most selective schools, that even if those aspirations make it out of college — a very big “if” — they tend to be played out within the same narrow conception of what constitutes a valid life: affluence, credentials, and prestige.

We believe that high school should be a time of exploration and discovery about both who a student is and who that student may want to become. Through providing an engaging curriculum taught by teachers who care about students and the subject matter along with a broad array of opportunities in music, art, ceramics, theater, sports, community service and various clubs we believe that students will find opportunities to learn more about themselves and their interests.

Participating in activities outside the classroom should not become badges earned to be placed on a college application, but rather fully engaged in for self-discovery and learning. 

Growing up elite means learning to value yourself in terms of the measures of success that mark your progress into and through the elite: the grades, the scores, the trophies. That is what you’re praised for; that is what you are rewarded for. Your parents brag; your teachers glow; your rivals grit their teeth.

Finally, the biggest prize of all, the one that draws a line beneath your adolescence and sums you up for all the world to see: admission to the college of your dreams. Or rather, not finally — because the game, of course, does not end there. College is naturally more of the same. Now the magic terms are GPA, Phi Beta Kappa, Fulbright, MCAT, Harvard Law, Goldman Sachs. They signify not just your fate, but your identity; not just your identity, but your value. They are who you are, and what you’re worth.”

“The result is what we might refer to as credentialism. The purpose of life becomes the accumulation of gold stars. Hence the relentless extracurricular busyness, the neglect of learning as an end in itself, the inability to imagine doing something that you can’t put on your resume. Hence the constant sense of competition. (If you want to increase participation in an activity, a Stanford professor told me, make entry to it competitive.)”

The problem here, as I see it, is the potential for our students to fall into the "credentialing" mind set where they are constantly setting their goals and measuring themselves by what they believe others - their mothers, fathers, relatives, teachers, potential employers, and friends - want to see or want them to be. Someone else is always telling them who they are and who they should be. And, at the end of their formal schooling what do they do when real life hits them and they need to make their own decisions?

I am in great hopes that our students and their parents will choose a college not based on which college is more prestigious, but the one that most fits with their family values and the student's passions and interests. As Maya Angelou reminds us, "Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it."

Overcoats

It's already the New Year and I'm still working on my resolutions!

In addition to my resolutions of weight loss and expressing more gratitude, I'm going to work hard on one that my father frequently reminded me of while I was growing up; resolving not to put on the “overcoats” that could keep me from developing into my full self.

He explained that “overcoats” were stories or beliefs that people put on you ranging from what they thought about your religious beliefs, to your height, the color of your skin, or the work position you held. He even pointed out that the world's beliefs of what it means to be a man, how you earn a living and raise your children were "overcoats" that could be problematic. He let me know that I was in charge of making the decisions about who I was and what "overcoats" I wanted to wear, warning me that other folks would want to throw a lot of their beliefs on me.

He shared that if I chose to accept the “overcoats” made by what others thought, I could become so burdened and weighed down by them that I wouldn't even be able to reach the buttons to peel them off! He warned that I might become stuck, immoveable and frozen in what others thought and expected of me and unable to make up my own mind.

We all have "overcoats," or beliefs that we have accepted and that we would like to take off. My resolve this year is to peel off the “overcoats” that don't represent my best self and let more of my true self shine through. I think I might discover some parts of me that have been covered up!

Do you have any “overcoats” you would like to take off this year?

Thoughts for Thanksgiving

This week we celebrate Thanksgiving, and while it’s my favorite holiday of the year, sometimes my family and extended family can be a bit challenging when we gather. Some of them want to bring up old grievances or talk about politics or topics that rekindle old issues and cause divisiveness. The turkey doesn’t taste quite as good when there is bitterness in our mouths. But, there are ways to manage through the holiday that build connection and mutual appreciation.

Over the past year-and-a-half, we have been fortunate in welcoming Jada Monica Drew of Social Designs to our school each month to help us learn how to have better conversations with each other and, as was our topic last week, with our children. Her Dialogue Principals are universal and designed to help any conversation go more smoothly.

Jada recommends five steps to better conversations. She offers that we should always start with being curious when someone says something that kindles a strong emotion by asking why they feel the way that they do and, perhaps, how they came to think the way that way. The second step is to listen, or as Jada puts it, “Listen to the 3d power!” Then, affirm the person through body language or saying something such as, “I can see how you have come to think/believe that way.” The next step is to acknowledge your bias or beliefs and then clarify to make sure that you understand the other person. Now, you are ready to connect and to create and share what you are learning from the other person and how it might influence your thinking. Not all conversations come to conclusion or closure immediately, so it’s important to accept that there may not be closure to the conversation in that moment, yet perspectives are broadened, understandings gained and the possibilities for future dialogue remains.

It’s not always easy to follow these steps, but in my experience and in the experience of those who have used them, these Dialogue Principles help conversations to remain civil and often lead to greater compassion and unexpected changes in perspectives – both theirs and ours!

I wish everyone a joyous, safe and relaxing Thanksgiving filled with gratitude for family and all that we are blessed to have and experience in our lives.

Developing Intellectual, Ethical and Interpersonal Foundations

Developing in our students the intellectual, ethical and interpersonal foundations that they need to be successful lies at the core of a Greensboro Day School education. We believe that when our students posess these core foundations that they will lead fuller lives and go on to have great college experiences and become engaged, happy and productive citizens.

While the intellectual and ethical elements of our mission are more easily seen in our academic programs and honor system, the interpersonal development that we do with our students is not as easily seen. This work takes place primarily in our advisory system in the middle and upper schools and through our Second Step program in the lower school.

At the heart of our advisories and Second Step programs is the belief that helping our students to know themselves and to understand others will allow them to engage more productively with their peers and teachers, decrease stress and increase learning. We believe that developing our students' interpersonal foundations helps them to more fully develop their ethical and intellectual abilities.

While raising emotionally intelligent children may seem like a “soft” skill, we believe that it is critical in becoming confident, engaged and able citizens. The fact is, we are an emotionally driven species that is constantly pulled and pushed by the events around us. And, if we are not able to understand the motivations of others and why we react the way that we do, we will more than likely come to see ourselves as victims and not as capable and important contributors who have a range of skills in addressing our own needs and those of others.

Knowing that emotions drive our daily actions, it’s important to learn how to effectively deal with them. Children who know how to manage their feelings and develop emotional intelligence at an early age are more able to calm themselves and thus improve their concentration, have higher academic achievement, live in good health, and establish better relationships with their peers.

We strive each and every day to develop in our students the intellectual, ethical and interpersonal foundations that they need to become constructive contributors to the world so that they can lead happy, successful lives.

Changing the World

There are many things to teach our children and only so much time. But, to empower our children to make a positive change in the world, some things are more important than others.

Difficult Conversations

“In order to help students grow as critical and independent thinkers and to become comfortable with disagreement, GDS will develop and implement a school-wide plan for engaging in civil discourse on difficult topics, including politics, history, social issues, and current events.”

The above is the first goal of Greensboro Day School's Accreditation Improvement Plan that came from our self-study undertaken during the last school year as we prepared for our 5 year re-accreditation by SAIS.

In today’s environment where communication is instantaneous, and sometimes incorrect, where political lines are more sharply drawn and racial, religious and gender issues are openly discussed, we have learned that our students want to discuss challenging issues. Our job is to help them learn how to safely have those conversations.

The first step in creating safe classrooms for difficult conversations falls to our faculty, many of whom, like most everyone in our country, struggle with how to successfully engage in these types of conversations. In order to increase their comfort level and help them to support the students in having difficult conversations in their classrooms, we have undertaken the journey of learning some helpful techniques.

Our first efforts began as we welcomed faculty back to school in August. We invited Jada Monica Drew of Social Designs in Greensboro, NC, in to help us. She shared the dialogue principles that she finds most effective when having a discussion on a potentially controversial topic. She suggests that it will help our students to enter conversatons first with an attitude of being Curious about what the other person has to say, then Listening very closely, Affirming that you have heard the other person, Acknowledging any Biases you have, and then Clarifying by asking questions before moving on to trying to connect with the other person and, possibly, to Create a new scenario. The last point she makes is my favorite, and most the difficult; Accept that you may not be able to come to agreement or closure. Even if this is the case, each participant has been exposed to different ideas that may change their perspective.

Jada stresses that creating classrooms where healthy discussions can take place is critical in helping students to become effective and engaged citizens. In safe classrooms, students can be assured that their teachers and the other students will see them for who they are, hear what they have to say, be treated fairly, and be protected.

Utilizing these principles in our classrooms is an important first step in helping our students to feel safe and able to express their opinions while learning from those who may have a different opinion. 

At GDS, we believe that helping students learn how to safely have difficult conversations will help them to become both life-long learners and more effective contributors to the world.

If you would like to learn more about how to have difficult conversations, Greensboro Day School is hosting its ''Community, Connection & Care series again this year. Our first event of the year will take place Wednesday, September 12 from 6:30-7:45p.m. in the Kaplan Lobby of the Davison Center of the Arts on our campus 5401 Lawdale Drive, Greensboro, NC 27455.

You can keep up to date on the days and times of these meetings throughout the year by contacting Susan Davis, our Director of Communication and Marketing. susandavis@greensboroday.org

Making Better Decisions

Over the years, there have been many methods advanced for decision making. Perhaps, the most common is the Pros and Cons list first made popular by Benjamin Franklin. But, over time, this method has been found to be flawed, as have many of the methods we have learned to use in making decisions. 

The Heath brothers studied and wrote about better ways to make decisions in their highly regarded book, Decisive, which our leadership team read when it first came out. It has been very influential in helping us to make better decisions.

Recenly, I came across Shane Parrish's list of what he calls 25 heuristics to make decisions. His list has expanded my thinking about how to make decisions, and I think it will yours as well.

By ShaneParrish

Some heuristics to make decisions. Please add your own and challenge these.

1. Schedule time to think.

2. When considering options, watch your heart rate.

4. No decision is sometimes the best path. If you can’t get comfortable deciding, the answer is to explore the tension not force a decision.

5. Instead of fight or flight, gather info. Think about what you can do to get the information you need to make a better decision.

6. Saying no is more important than saying yes.

7. Use time to filter people and ideas. The majority of the time you don’t need to be an early adopter.

8. Look for win-win decisions. If someone absolutely has to lose, you’re likely not thinking hard enough or you need to make structural/environmental changes.

9. When stuck work back to first principles and build up.

10. The rule of 5. Think about what the decision looks like 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years, 5 decades.

11. Let other people’s hindsight become your foresight.

12. Avoid things the best version of yourself will regret.

13. Ask what information would cause you to change your mind. If you don’t have that information, find it. If you do, track is religiously.

14. Focus on collecting feedback to calibrate your ability to make this decision.

15. If you’re outside your circle of competence and still have to make a decision, ask experts HOW they would make the same decision not WHAT they would decide.

16. Lean into (not away from) what’s making you uncomfortable.

17. Put things on a reversibility/consequence grid —irreversible and high consequence decisions likely require more time. The rest of the time you can usually go fast.

18. Identify the 2-3 variables that really matter and break them down to unearth assumptions and get the team on the same page.

19. Fast decisions should never be rushed.

20. Too much information increases confidence not accuracy.

21. Avoiding stupidity is easier than seeking brilliance.

22. Walk around the decision from the perspective of everyone implicated (shareholders, employees, regulators, customers, partners, etc.)

23. Some warnings signs that increase the likelihood of stupidity are (environment, the pace of change, rushing, physically tired, hyper-focus, authority, consensus-seeking behavior).

24. Own the decision. (If you make decisions by committee have one person sign their name to the decision - someone needs to own it.)

25. Decisions are nothing without execution.