Difficult Conversations

“In order to help students grow as critical and independent thinkers and to become comfortable with disagreement, GDS will develop and implement a school-wide plan for engaging in civil discourse on difficult topics, including politics, history, social issues, and current events.”

The above is the first goal of Greensboro Day School's Accreditation Improvement Plan that came from our self-study undertaken during the last school year as we prepared for our 5 year re-accreditation by SAIS.

In today’s environment where communication is instantaneous, and sometimes incorrect, where political lines are more sharply drawn and racial, religious and gender issues are openly discussed, we have learned that our students want to discuss challenging issues. Our job is to help them learn how to safely have those conversations.

The first step in creating safe classrooms for difficult conversations falls to our faculty, many of whom, like most everyone in our country, struggle with how to successfully engage in these types of conversations. In order to increase their comfort level and help them to support the students in having difficult conversations in their classrooms, we have undertaken the journey of learning some helpful techniques.

Our first efforts began as we welcomed faculty back to school in August. We invited Jada Monica Drew of Social Designs in Greensboro, NC, in to help us. She shared the dialogue principles that she finds most effective when having a discussion on a potentially controversial topic. She suggests that it will help our students to enter conversatons first with an attitude of being Curious about what the other person has to say, then Listening very closely, Affirming that you have heard the other person, Acknowledging any Biases you have, and then Clarifying by asking questions before moving on to trying to connect with the other person and, possibly, to Create a new scenario. The last point she makes is my favorite, and most the difficult; Accept that you may not be able to come to agreement or closure. Even if this is the case, each participant has been exposed to different ideas that may change their perspective.

Jada stresses that creating classrooms where healthy discussions can take place is critical in helping students to become effective and engaged citizens. In safe classrooms, students can be assured that their teachers and the other students will see them for who they are, hear what they have to say, be treated fairly, and be protected.

Utilizing these principles in our classrooms is an important first step in helping our students to feel safe and able to express their opinions while learning from those who may have a different opinion. 

At GDS, we believe that helping students learn how to safely have difficult conversations will help them to become both life-long learners and more effective contributors to the world.

If you would like to learn more about how to have difficult conversations, Greensboro Day School is hosting its ''Community, Connection & Care series again this year. Our first event of the year will take place Wednesday, September 12 from 6:30-7:45p.m. in the Kaplan Lobby of the Davison Center of the Arts on our campus 5401 Lawdale Drive, Greensboro, NC 27455.

You can keep up to date on the days and times of these meetings throughout the year by contacting Susan Davis, our Director of Communication and Marketing. susandavis@greensboroday.org

Making Better Decisions

Over the years, there have been many methods advanced for decision making. Perhaps, the most common is the Pros and Cons list first made popular by Benjamin Franklin. But, over time, this method has been found to be flawed, as have many of the methods we have learned to use in making decisions. 

The Heath brothers studied and wrote about better ways to make decisions in their highly regarded book, Decisive, which our leadership team read when it first came out. It has been very influential in helping us to make better decisions.

Recenly, I came across Shane Parrish's list of what he calls 25 heuristics to make decisions. His list has expanded my thinking about how to make decisions, and I think it will yours as well.

By ShaneParrish

Some heuristics to make decisions. Please add your own and challenge these.

1. Schedule time to think.

2. When considering options, watch your heart rate.

4. No decision is sometimes the best path. If you can’t get comfortable deciding, the answer is to explore the tension not force a decision.

5. Instead of fight or flight, gather info. Think about what you can do to get the information you need to make a better decision.

6. Saying no is more important than saying yes.

7. Use time to filter people and ideas. The majority of the time you don’t need to be an early adopter.

8. Look for win-win decisions. If someone absolutely has to lose, you’re likely not thinking hard enough or you need to make structural/environmental changes.

9. When stuck work back to first principles and build up.

10. The rule of 5. Think about what the decision looks like 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years, 5 decades.

11. Let other people’s hindsight become your foresight.

12. Avoid things the best version of yourself will regret.

13. Ask what information would cause you to change your mind. If you don’t have that information, find it. If you do, track is religiously.

14. Focus on collecting feedback to calibrate your ability to make this decision.

15. If you’re outside your circle of competence and still have to make a decision, ask experts HOW they would make the same decision not WHAT they would decide.

16. Lean into (not away from) what’s making you uncomfortable.

17. Put things on a reversibility/consequence grid —irreversible and high consequence decisions likely require more time. The rest of the time you can usually go fast.

18. Identify the 2-3 variables that really matter and break them down to unearth assumptions and get the team on the same page.

19. Fast decisions should never be rushed.

20. Too much information increases confidence not accuracy.

21. Avoiding stupidity is easier than seeking brilliance.

22. Walk around the decision from the perspective of everyone implicated (shareholders, employees, regulators, customers, partners, etc.)

23. Some warnings signs that increase the likelihood of stupidity are (environment, the pace of change, rushing, physically tired, hyper-focus, authority, consensus-seeking behavior).

24. Own the decision. (If you make decisions by committee have one person sign their name to the decision - someone needs to own it.)

25. Decisions are nothing without execution.